#Brian was heavy set well before his death and that benefited him so much as a robot. so much extra space for optimizing machinery

[anoutlandishfanfic]

SOM AU: Part Eleven: Not While I’m Around

You can find previous chapters here.

June 17th, 2016 Lallybroch. Claire

“What did you do?”

“Where did you eat?”

“Did you miss us terribly?!”

A chorus of excited questions swirled around Jamie and I the moment we stepped onto the terrace, forcing me to set aside the worries over my husband’s military orders for a moment or two. Maggie and Joan nearly tackled me in their attempt to welcome me at the same time and a laugh burst from my lips, much to my own surprise.

Maybe there would be a way to stay together.

“Mama Claire! Mama Claire!” Maggie tugged at my arm and I swept her up into my arms, my heart singing. She rested her head on my shoulder with a contented sigh, commenting, “I like calling you mama.”

“And I like hearing it,” I murmured past a lump in my throat, smiling down at her and the joyous faces of my children. It was official now and they were finally mine. They all pressed against each other and leaned into me, all trying to occupy the same space. Swallowing hard, I inquired, “What have you been up to while we were gone?”

Little Joan answered, beaming up at me as she held onto a fistful of my skirt, “We’ve been practicing!”

“Have you?” My brows rose in surprise, “What have you been practicing, love?”

“Our songs for the concert!”

“The what?” Jamie’s voice now added to the clamor. It was just at this moment that Ian entered the terrace, his approach masked by the children’s uproar, and Jamie turned to his closest friend and brother-in-law with a wry sort of grimace. “I suppose this is your doing.”

Ian grinned, placing a hand on my elbow in welcome, “On the contrary! Mother Hildegard had recruited them long before I had a chance to. Why didn’t you tell me they had such lovely voices, Jamie? That song they sang at the wedding was absolutely angelic.”

“Mother Hildegard?” Jamie’s gaze now turned to me.

In the busyness of planning the wedding, I’d completely forgotten about L’Hopital’s annual benefit, which was always the eighteenth of June.

“But that’s tomorrow!” I exclaimed, my stomach clenching.

“Delightful timing, isn’t it?” Ian’s eyes took on an impish gleam as he winked at me. “They’ve everything they need and they already know the songs. Just think of it! They’ll be the grand finale! Seven children in one family… and now they’re the heart’s delight of one of L’Orphelinat very own! A happy ending, if there ever was one.”

“No,” Jamie shook his head, his voice firm, prompting an uprising of dismay from the children. “They willna be singing tomorrow.”

“Oh, but we’ve been practicing all day, Father!” Marsali wailed.

He silenced her with a look, then, gesturing towards the house with a jerk of his head, asked of Ian, “A word with ye, aye?”

Ian registered my drawn features for the first time and nodded solemnly, following Jamie back the way we’d come. Ellen picked up on the growing tension and met my gaze, her eyebrows furrowing in a silent question she’d been raised not to ask aloud.

What’s going on?

I gave her a weak smile in answer and she nudged Brian who, always hungry, suggested we find a snack.

“It’s nearly time for dinner, sweet,” I reminded him. “But that’s not a half bad idea. Why don’t you all get cleaned up and then maybe you can show me what you’ve been working on.”

They all readily agreed to this and we set off together towards the house.

…

I found the men in the library, sharing a healthy dram of whiskey as they hatched a plan… one I refused to enact.

“No,” I stated defiantly as they tried to convince me of its merits. “We are not remaining behind.”

“I have to go,” Jamie wearily tried to explain, his hand reaching out pleadingly for mine.

I took it instantly to stem any further justification for splitting up the family, as well as out of an urgent need to touch him, to be near him.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go with you.”

He shook his head. “That would only place you and the children in danger. It’s me he wants.”

“I very much doubt that,” my throat constricted as I thought of the man who had stood before me not an hour before. “He won’t stop until he has the both of us back under his control and you know it.”

I felt Jamie flinch, his visceral reaction a jolt of fear running from his body into mine. He must have caught the tone of near panic in my voice, for pulled me closer and onto his lap.

“Aye, I ken it well,” he murmured into my neck as I held onto him tightly, “but you are safest here at home.”

“You are my home.”

I slid my eyes shut as he leaned back into the deep, leather chair with a heavy sigh, taking me with him.

“Sorcha…”

“Don’t ask me to forsake my vow to you, James Fraser,” I pleaded, pressing hips against him, my hand over his heart. His pulse was erratic as mine was, but we both slowed into sync as I murmured, “Where you go, I will go and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die and there I will be buried…”

I won’t let even death separate you from me.

“Be it so,” Jamie finished when I could not, his voice low with a sincerity and earnestness that came from deep within his heart, “or may the Lord punish me greatly.”

He kissed me then, taking the very breath from my lungs. I didn’t know what it would mean, or where we would go, but it would be together… or not at all.

A delicate cough came from the room’s only other occupant and yanked us from our reverie.

“If we can get you to France,” Ian interrupted, a wide grin on his face with a hint of moisture in his eyes, “I think we might be able to pull it off.”

…

Dinner was a tense and solemn affair, even with Ian present. The children all knew something was afoot and it made them revert to all of the habits I’d worked so hard to break them of. Brian egged Marsali on to the point of armageddon, which set Ellen on their case and made her snap at Maggie for spilling her milk, which in turn ruffled Willie’s feathers and promptly sent Joan into a fit of nervous tears.

Seeing that they were all to the point of near hysterics, I suggested, “I think it might be time for me to take the children upstairs, Jamie.”

He looked up absently from his food and nodded, silently dismissing us all from the table before returning to his meal. How he had any appetite at all was beyond me. I gladly left my plate behind in favor of the sanctuary of the children’s rooms. We all filed out and made our way to the stairs as quickly as possible, none of us wanting to linger in the room where stiff formalities and unspoken dangers hovered near.

Teeth were brushed and faces washed in the usual efficiency, but once in their pajamas, all sense of normalcy evaporated. Maggie took hold of my hand as I tried to leave their room to check on the boys, digging in her heels and forcing me to stop dead in my tracks.

“I don’t want you to go!”

I looked down at her in concern, “I’m not going anywhere, love. Just stepping across the hall for a moment. I’ll come right back to read you a story.”

“No!” she dissolved into tears on the spot.

Alarmed, I caught sight of Marsali standing in the doorway, looking very much like she was ready to go to war with the entire world. Her hair free of its usual bonds and her arms crossed firmly, she was a force to be reckoned with.

“What’s going on?” I swallowed hard as I picked up the wailing four year old and asked of her sister, “What’s wrong?”

My fears raced ahead of me, imagining the worst had happened while Jamie and I were way… and Randall was here.

“Father got his orders, didn’t he?” Marsali jaw clenched as she tipped it up in defiance.

My heart sank as I remembered that this had happened to them several times before. Jamie would receive word and be gone for months at a time, returning without warning and often in a mood that the children dreaded. He’d be dissatisfied with anything and everything they did and the smallest things could send him into a funk that would last days on end.

I nodded and Joan joined Maggie in her tears. I hadn’t a clue as to what to say. Jamie and I hadn’t discussed how much of our plan we’d tell the children and I could never lie to them.

The truth in its simplest form would be my assurance.

Sinking to my knees and reaching out to her, Joanie ran to me. Marsali was slow to follow, but follow she did, and I soon had all three of them in my embrace. Knowing without looking that Ellen, Jenny, Willie, and Brian had taken their place in the doorway. I spoke softly, but confidently.

“We will stay together.”

…

Jamie met me in the hallway. His eyes came alive as I padded softly out of Joan and Maggie’s room.

“Asleep?”

“Mmm,” one corner of my mouth lifted in a tired smile, “only just.”

He stepped forward and swept me up off of my feet, into his arms. It took me by surprise but I didn’t object, choosing instead to bury my face in his neck and melt into him. The bergamot and amber of his cologne mingled with a deeper, richer scent that I could only describe as his and I sighed as the balm of his nearness permeated into the core of my very soul.

We moved silently down the hallway and my pulse quickened as I realized we were headed to the master bedroom. My head knew that I would not be returning to my own room, which was on the other end of the wing, and that my belongings were now arranged with his, but my heart hadn’t quite fully realized just what exactly what this would all mean.

Our room.

Jamie paused and shifted me slightly as he turned the knob and nudged the door open. This accomplished, he looked down at me.

“Come to bed with me?” he murmured, a low hush that matched the desire in his eyes.

My lips hovered above his, my breath catching as warmth began to spread across my cheeks.

“To bed… or to sleep?”

A low chuckle rumbled through him and I had my answer. He eased us into the room, turning so I could shut the door with my feet. The click of the latch sent a thrill through me and I felt it’s echo in Jamie, a magnetic sensation that drew his lips to mine. We met with an electrical shock that ignited something within me that I hadn’t experienced the night before.

I had wanted him then, but I needed him now.

I opened my mouth to his and pulled him closer, my fingers grasping at the nape of his neck. This primal, overwhelming hunger for him was as exhilarating as it was foreign, a sensation unknown and one I eagerly submitted to. Jamie turned me in his arms and the floodgates opened as I felt the bed materialize beneath me. My back arched, my hips searching for his as I tugged at the hem of my dress, easing it from between us. His trousers now shed, Jamie climbed onto the the bed with a low groan and ushered me into the center of the enormous mattress. He kissed my neck, a quiver of delight running through him as he realized I wasn’t wearing anything to hinder him beneath the crumpled folds of my cotton sundress.

“Why, Mrs Fraser,” he purred, “I believe you’ve forgotten something.”

I sighed as he settled his weight onto his elbows, “On the contrary, it was intentional.”

He lifted his head, his eyes bright with laughter as he moved to brush a stray curl out of my eyes, but suddenly froze. His brow furrowed as he slowly reached out his hand to pluck something out from between the pillows. He instantly dropped it onto the bed like a hot coal and yanked me away from it, nearly dislocating my shoulder in the process. I cried out in pain and frustration, confused as to why he’d do such a thing, but then I saw — and smelled — what he had.

It was a lace sachet of lavender.

My stomach rolled and my head spun at the fragrance as I scrambled right over the edge of the bed and onto the floor. Jamie was at my side in an instant, but it wasn’t him that I felt when he placed a hand on my arm. I jerked free, digging my heels into the plush carpet as I recoiled, moving a full body’s length away from him before I even realized what I was doing. I shook my head, trying to find my real surroundings amid the mirage around me. I kept moving, sliding my back along the solid framework of the wall until Jamie stopped me.

His bulk kept me from smashing into a large, wooden trunk, but his touch didn’t linger as he demanded, “Tell me what you see, Sorcha.”

My heart beat wildly in my chest and I could hardly breathe, let alone speak. I shook my head desperately, but he insisted.

Tell me what you can see.

I saw my quarters on base.

I saw the supply closet shelves.

I saw the stark, white walls of the exam room.

I saw nothing at all.

“No,” I choked out.

Jamie moved closer, his warm, solid presence bumping against my legs as I hugged them tightly to my chest. His chin settled on my knees, his nose barely an inch from mine. I blinked once, twice, and tried to focus on the face before me instead of the one ingrained in my memory.

“What do you see, a nighean?”

I swallowed hard, hiccuping, “You.”

“Good,” he crooned. “What do you feel?”

My hands and feet were numb as I sat there, gasping for air. I moved them slowly and tried to regain some semblance of tactile function, but had very little success. Jamie took hold of my hands, bringing them to his lips, clasping them against his heart.

“What can you feel?”

His heart beat beneath my palm, it's rhythm quick but sure. Each pulse came at steady intervals and tugged at mine to do the same, guiding me out of my abject terror and into a hazy fog of disorientation.

“You,” I gulped, tramping down the urge to pull away and tried to mimic his patterns of inhaling and exhaling. I let out a shuddering sigh as he pulled me into his arms, cradling me gently against his chest.

“What do you smell?” came his next question and I was calm enough now to know what he was doing.

He was grounding me.

I’d witnessed the technique in triage, but never thought to use it myself. With each sense, he was pulling me away from the chaos inside my head and securing me to something that was not connected to my demons. He became my anchor, the point to fixate on as I fought to regain control of my body.

“That bloody lavender.”

He flinched and I knew it’d had a similar effect on him, though he’d managed to keep his wits about him.

“Tis gone,” he assured me hastily, his thumb gently stroking my cheek, “I threw it out the window.”

Good.

“He was here,” I murmured rather unnecessarily. “In our home — in our room, Jamie — and he’ll be back tomorrow to make sure you report, I know it.”

His arms tightened around me, “Aye, mo chridhe.”

“Do you think the plan will work?”

“It must,” he vowed, “for I willna let him have his way.”

Pressing my cheek against his chest, I tried to find Jamie’s usual warmth. His body temperature was always higher than mine it seemed, but we were both chilled to the point of trembling just now, our hearts cold at the prospect of facing our attacker once again.

“You’re shivering,” Jamie mumbled into my neck, his lips cold against my skin.

“You aren’t much warmer.”

He managed a smile as he brought the both of us to our feet, leading me around the bed and through an enormous closet. His head turned to scan the clothing as we passed and he paused only a moment to whisk two plush robes from their place. An open doorway brought us into the biggest bathroom I’d ever seen. It boasted a full sized tub, next to which he deposited the robes. To call it a bathtub really wasn’t doing it justice, for it was nearly as large as a swimming pool.

Jamie perched me on the edge of it as he let go of my hand for only a moment, flicking on the water and pouring in a healthy amount of soap from a small vial as he did so. I steeled myself, knowing that most bath soaps contained at least a hint lavender, but was completely undone by the overwhelmingly soothing scent of chamomile and honey instead.

He brought me back up to my feet and began to unbutton my dress, slipping the sleeves over my shoulders and pulling his own shirt up over his head. Jamie’s hands slid over my hips, pulling me close for a kiss that began to loosen every knot inside of me. We came apart only long enough to step into the tub and lowered as one into the rising water.

I climbed onto his lap once he’d moved into a comfortable position and his strong arms wrapped around me, not allowing for even a breath of space to come between us.

“Warmer or cooler, a nighean?”

“Warmer,” I murmured, my lips brushing against his neck as I pressed my cheek against his broad shoulder.

He reached out and adjusted the water’s temperature, guiding it into perfection before taking something from the array of bottles on the side of the tub. I heard him squeeze some of the contents into his hands and warm it between them. Gently massaging it into my skin, he started at my shoulders and slowly worked his way down my back. I relaxed under his touch and the thick scent of honey coated my senses. The safe, sweet fragrance lulled me into contented haze as Jamie turned off the water and a hush fell over the room. I slowly lifted my head and found his lips once more, the heat of his touch as intense as that of the water surrounding me. My arms slid from his shoulders, my hands traveling across his pectorals and around his ribs to pull him tighter against me.

“Sorcha,” he murmured. His gaze was as protective as it was passionate, his blue eyes fierce with a strength of will that attacked the strongholds of fear in my heart. “You’re safe.”

“For now,” I whispered hesitantly, the fog of suspended time thick around my head.

Jamie’s hands rose from the water to frame my face, his warm palms pressing against my cheeks.  “No’ just for now, mo nighean donn… for always, I give you my word.”

A shiver ran down my spine as I shook my head slowly. He meant what he’d said and would protect the children and I at the cost of his life, I knew, but none of us were safe as long as Jack Randall was alive. It didn’t matter where we went or what we’d planned to do. From the dawn of tomorrow on, we were in danger.

“Randall willna hurt you again,” he vowed, nuzzling my ear and stilling my movements.

“No’ while I’m around, mo chridhe.”

[dailyaudiobible]

08/10/2018 DAB Transcript

Ezra 10:1-44 , 1 Corinthians 6:1-20 , Psalms 31:9-18 , Proverbs 21:3

Today is August 10th. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I'm Brian and it’s great to be here with you as it is every day that we take another step forward. And, so, I’m glad we can come around this global campfire and be together and welcome the presence of the Lord among us, and allow God's word to speak. We’re reading from the English Standard Version this week and today we’ll pick up where we left off. We’re working our way through the story of Ezra, chapter 10 verse 1 through 44.

Commentary:

Okay. So, as we continue through this letter that Paul has written to the church at Corinth, we can see Paul, he is not afraid to be direct. Actually, we find this in pretty much all of the letter writers in the New Testament. And later in the year will hear from James. He’s not afraid to be direct. We’ll hear from Peter. He’s not afraid. And we’ll hear from the apostle John again, who is also a son of thunder. He's not afraid to be direct, but as we can see, neither is Paul. For example, he kinda shames the Corinthians today for taking each other to court to resolve issues that they should have been able to handle within the community of faith. And he condemns a number of behaviors strongly. But just because Paul was direct, does not mean that shame and condemnation was his intention? It actually wasn't. Paul was trying to call the people in the churches to a higher standard. And not just a higher moral stand, like, just more rules to obey. He was trying to reveal to them a different, a completely different reality, one in which freedom reigned. So, in Paul's worldview, when Jesus came that changed the entire scope of all humanity, right? Through Christ, essentially, a new humanity was created of which Jesus was the firstborn. We learned this when we were going through Paul's last letter, the book of Romans. So, I mean, mankind had been under this curse of rebellion and of sin and that created this breach, this chasm, between humanity and divinity, between God and man, and the repercussions were ever visible everywhere, they still are. Like, I’m not telling you something you haven't heard before. Like, this is Christian orthodoxy 101. A breach was created by sin. Man could not repair the breach. God came and rescued humanity through Jesus and did away with what separated man and God, which was sin. And Jesus resurrection eliminated the power of sin in the life of a believer. So, that is freedom, which is a different definition or a different kind of freedom than the world offers. And that kind of freedom basically says, look, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you choose. No matter what the problems are, you're free to do as you like. Paul's perspective on this and why he’s being so direct today is to say, that is not actually freedom, it's really bondage in disguise. So, Paul says in our reading today. I am allowed to do anything but not everything is good for me. I can do whatever I want but I must not become a slave to anything. And Paul was telling these Corinthian believers that they could do whatever they wanted, but just because you have the ability to make those kinds of choices doesn't mean they're good choices. So, I mean, like, how can we gage ourselves? How can…how can we keep an eye on ourselves and know when we start to veer off the narrow path that leads to life into the wide path leads to death? According to Paul, we have to stay aware of what we’re becoming a slave to because slavery isn't freedom. But we can use our freedom to become slaves and enslave others. So, let's invite the Holy Spirit into that today. What am I becoming a slave to? What is it that I already know. I’m already moving in that direction. I’m enslaving myself. Let’s invite the Holy Spirit into that. And as we do, let's remember, we have been set free from that. The choice is ours whether we’re going to re-enslave ourselves.

Father, we do. We invite you into that. We invite you into what we encounter in the Scriptures most every day and we invite you into this. Show us Holy Spirit. What are the things that we are beginning to enslave ourselves with when we are free? And we surrender those things to you. We’re not walking back into bondage. We’re going to live free. We’re going to live as a part of this new thing that you are doing in the world of which Jesus is the firstborn and we have also been born into it. We’re going to live in a free world and no longer be slaves of sin. Come Holy Spirit. we pray. In Jesus name we ask. Amen.

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Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello DAB family. This is Mike from Texas. It is August the 6th and I’m listening to, I think it’s the 30th of July. I’m always behind but, anyways, I just want to call in. I’ve been procrastinating here about calling in and I need to call in more frequently. And just sometimes it’s just time gets away and I don’t call. Anyways, I just want to call in and give thanks to Brian and Jill for this awesome, fantastic ministry that you have created __ to bring us every day 24/7/365. Thank you very much. And thank you for all the people behind the scenes and anybody that calls in on the prayer lines. The people to call __ thank you guys for calling and encouraging us and telling us your stories __. And we’re praying for you. And for the people that don’t call in. __ we’re praying. I just encourage anybody to call in and to put your prayer request out there because you never know who’s going to be praying for you. It could be somebody on the other side of the world and it could be praying us that’s doing it at the same time. So, anyway, I just want to encourage everybody to give to this ministry. It’s a fantastic ministry to give. You buy a couple coffee every day or whatever. You spend that money and I would encourage you to giving a dollar a day wouldn’t be a bad thing. $30 a month it’s a good start. $30 a month. And I challenge anybody to give at least $30 a month. __ DAB family community. And I just want to pay for marriage. Lord, I want a lift of all marriages to You Father God and continue to be into marriages, restoring the marriages making us like you Lord…

Hi Daily Audio Bible family. My name is Craig Gross and I am the proud Goldstar father of Cpl. Frank Robert Gross who is now in heaven with our Lord Jesus Christ. He gave the full measure for our country, 16 July 2011 and we buried him in Arlington August 19, 2011 on his birthday. And the reason why I’m calling today is because I would like all of us to pray for our soldiers who are valiantly defending our freedom of religion, our first amendment right to worship who we want, when we want, and where we want. Let us never forget that there were two great people in history who died for us, first the Lord Jesus Christ to give us spiritual victory over sin, and then the soldier who died for us to give us victory over tyranny. I want to thank the DAB family for being here. And let’s all remember, freedom is not free.

Hey DABbers, this is Adventuresome Mom from Arizona. I’ve called and once before but I’m calling again. I am just really wanting to encourage everyone to give to the Daily Audio Bible. I know God has put it on my heart for months and months and every time Brian says, hey hit the Give button, I’m like, yeah I need to do that, I need to do that. And I hadn’t. And I finally did. And I just want to encourage everyone else to give to this fabulous ministry. I know we all benefit so much and it takes so much to actually put this community together. And even if, the way I figure it is, if I would give $10 a month, that is a little over $0.25 a day. And wow, I mean know I can give $0.25 a day and I know most of us can. So, anyway, just an encouragement for everyone out there. God bless you all. I love being part of this community. Brian, Jill, your family, everyone behind the scenes, God bless you and have a great day.

Good morning DAB family. I pray that each and every one of you are well in the name of our holy Christ Jesus. Brian and Jill, thank you so much for this platform. I don’t know what I would do without this ministry and I thank the Lord for using you in such a mighty way. I’m calling with a heavy heart for the mother whose name I don’t recall but you have the 17-year-old daughter Faith who has attempted suicide three times and is undergoing a treatment that’s costing her $1000 a month. I am so sorry, first of all, that you’re going through this but you are the pastor of the church and I know that you trust in the Lord and I’m asking you in the name of Jesus, hold onto that trust. Hold onto that faith. Her name is so powerful. She has the name of Faith. Hold onto that faith. Hold onto that God we serve. Continue to serve the Lord as you are going through this storm. God will make away. I don’t know how. I don’t know when. And I’m telling you because my 27-year-old daughter attempted suicide at the age of 14. And just a few months ago I felt like she was back in that valley. But I know I had to stand in faith. I had to stand firm and trust in the Lord that He is not going to let us down. He’s going to bring us through this. We just have to believe it. Believe it. Believe in what we do not see. Believe in what we do not hear. Believe will be do not feel. We’re going to believe it and stand firm. And I’m praying with you and I know that our daughters are going to come through in the name of Jesus. Esther from New York. God bless you.